Just when things start to get better.

So it's been a few days since I have been on here, and those few days have not been the worse. But just now all of the sudden everything just got really shitty with Kelly and I & it sucks so bad :( I thought I would feel like venting and writing a super long blog today but I just realized I have no energy to write anymore. I just want to lay down :( well night!

I think...

That things are starting to get better :) the one little thing that leads me to believe this is because today he texted me while I was babysitting to see if I had $20, which of course I would give to him & I was happy that he actually asked me. Then later he said that he wanted me to hold onto his money..so that he does not spend it. I was NOT expecting that at all! I was thinking like woahhhhh! I was excited..something so little gave me insight that things are going to get better, if not already starting to get better. Kelly means the world to me & i'm trying so hard to do anything he wants & I hope he sees that and appreciates it/me! I love him so much. And all I want to do is go grab him and jump on him and give him this huge hug and kiss and tell him how much I love him ;) I just want everything to go back to how they were. I'm tired of laying in my bed all day and crying. I can't wait until I get to be with him once again :)

Another shitty day

All I want is for him to call or text me. I have something extremely important to tell him and he is just ignoring me like it's nothing :( I went over there last night and waited in my car for like a hour waiting for him to get home so we could talk, but I then realized he was actually home and sleeping. I was so heart broken last night :( if only he knew how I am feeling :( I was supposed to work today and I just had no energy, I called in :( this shit is seriously making me sick to my stomach. I can't think straight at all. How can he be acting like this towards me?? It is such a terrible feeling :( all I can do is lay around in his hoodie and sweat pants. I have absolutely no energy :/ my heart is so broken right now. I just want to see him, even if it is for 5 minutes! I seriously have to see him!! I wish he would realize that :( oh I love him so much. I really do hate this nonsense :( I can't even eat :( I have absolutely no erge to do anything, unless it is something that involves Kelly. I'm so hurt :( ugh sometimes I just wish someone would hit me (while driving in my car) or I just drive off of a cliff. I feel so down :( he is my everything & always will be. I will wait a lifetime for him no matter how much it just kills me inside. Well I'm going to get off of here now and just watch some lifetime movies in lay in bed.

If only :/

Gosh I love him so damn much. Kelly is the love of my life. I just wish he could just really say something like "here's to the future because I'm done with the past". I did some pretty shitty horrible things in my past but that's why it's called my PAST! I wish I could take back everything :( and I'm not just saying that because of what him and I are going through, but because I really do wish I could. But that's my problem, I can't and it sucks so bad. I have grown up and matured so much and I can make a promise to not only Kelly, but to the world that I will never again do something like I did. I messed up big time & I realized that a while ago! I want to spend the rest of my entire life with Kelly. We seriously are made for each other. He is the love of my life and I will make it known to the world! I want to be there for him through every single good time & every single bad time. I did not know that it was possible to love one as much as I love him. Oh I love him so much. It's almost like the word love is not even strong enough. My love is unconditional. He's my one and only and I will never let us fall apart.